Preschool So Far: What We Know and What We Don’t Know

Photo by Aaron Burden – Unsplash.com

Our four-year-old is about two weeks into his preschool experience. Somewhat surprisingly, so far, so good. Maybe he’s not so much like me after all. Yay, him!

Perhaps the best part of preschool from the parent side is trying to piece together what exactly goes on from the time we drop him off until the time we pick him up. Attempting to account for that three hour window is definitely still a work in progress. Here are a few things we know and don’t know.

My 4-Year-Old's Restaurant

Well, I can't say I'm too surprised he got some negative reviews. I mean, my most recent dining experience looked like this...

But hey, looks like he's doing something right!

Yelp Reviews

(Thanks to the editors at Razed for running with this!)

By a Nose

It finally happened. My four-year-old broke my nose with his head. Let’s be honest, we all knew it was only a matter of time.

It was totally my bad. I was trying to be cute and messed around with bedtime routine. Such an egregious breach of protocol deserves a broken nose. Now, never arrow straight, my nose is a whole other kind of crooked, and I only have myself to blame.

So, what happened?

Best of 2015: An Explorations of Ambiguity Year in Review

2015 was quite a year for the Explorations of Ambiguity team. And, of course, by Explorations of Ambiguity Team I mean me. At the end of the day, it really is all about me.

I tried to fix a lawnmower. I went to Target. I cut my own hair several times. I read some stuff. I watched some Disney Junior (okay, a little more than some). I waxed nostalgic occasionally (okay, maybe a little more than occasionally). I got depressed once or twice (okay, probably a bit more than once or twice). Both my kids had birthdays. I created the smash hit blog series: Link-apalooza. Somebody liked one of my tweets. I learned to love myself just a little bit more.

But, you might be wondering, what does a raging narcissist do at the end of the year? The answer: create a greatest hits list of his top blog posts and then sit at home by himself on New Year’s Eve, of course. 

So, without further ado, I present the Top 10 most read Explorations of Ambiguity posts of 2015. Hold on to your hats, folks, because here we go!

Lose the Cape: Never Will I Ever (A Book Review)

OK, I’m trying a little something new here because, of course, Explorations loves to innovate. I just read a new book of parenting essays called Lose the Cape: Never Will I Ever edited by Alexa Bigwarfe and Kerry Rivera. If you’re looking for a quick read about the adventure that is parenting, I think you should check this one out. (Disclaimer: I signed up to receive a complimentary advance copy of the e-book.)

To My First Born on His Fourth Birthday

You’re four years old now, so I think it’s time I finally leveled with you. I don’t really remember that much from the first year or two of your existence. To be totally honest, I feel like at any given moment I have a decent handle on the last two or three weeks, but anything beyond that is a bit of a crap shoot. It seems like all the new stuff just crowds out the old stuff. I know you so well right now, but I can hardly remember what you sounded like when you were two. It’s best that you learn this now, because barring the advent of an age-reversing revolution that I’m still hoping is just around the corner, this will likely only get worse for me.

I know it’s your birthday and all and it’s supposed to be about you, but while I have your attention, let me complain for a moment. Do you have the time to listen to me whine? I’m going to assume that you do, so here we go. It really annoys me that I don’t have a better memory!

What Did We Learn This Week? My 3-Year-Old Is Better at Parenting Than I Am

Just when I thought I had it all figured out and was really starting to hit my parenting groove, boom, my mom tells me a story about how my 3-year-old developed a new parenting strategy to employ if you ever find yourself in the unenviable position of being in a store with your kids.

My mom had to pick up some paperwork at the hospital the other day and Jacob went with her. They stopped off in the hospital gift shop, which is basically a cross between Toys R’ Us and paradise as far as 3-year-olds are concerned. But apparently, instead of demanding that my mom buy him something from the array of irresistible stuffed chipmunks, flower pens, and novelty candies, he picked up items, inspected them, made a mental list of things he might like to buy next time, and put them back. No tears, no begging, not even a polite request. 

My mom thought that making a list of things he might like to buy next time was a particularly brilliant parenting maneuver that we had developed. Unfortunately, I had to confess that no, we weren’t that good, he made that up on his own. 

Come on! I’ve been writing all this stuff down for like a year and I haven’t delivered even one fully-formed parenting strategy? And yet, my 3-year-old has already developed a really good one? Sure, you love it when your kids succeed and do better than you and blah blah blah, but….come on!

Anyway, I don’t really like giving advice because it feels a little pretentious. But, passing along parenting tactics devised by my 3-year-old feels pretty okay. So, test this one out. Let me know if the old “think of things you’d like to buy next time” strategy works for you. If it doesn’t, just blame Jacob, it was all his idea.

An Imaginary Visit from Pa-Pa

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it on here before or not, but those days when Mommy is working (from 6:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m.) and the boys and I are home by ourselves all day can feel really long. Of course, I’m sure they feel really long for Mommy as well, but it’s perhaps a different kind of long. An apples to oranges comparison, one might say.

Link-apalooza #10: The Dog Rescuer

I don’t know how this keeps happening, but these posts seem to keep getting farther apart. I’m just soooo busy, I tell you! This week I got sidetracked by rescuing a dog. No big deal. It’s kind of what I’m known for, as some of my most loyal readers (Mom) might remember.

This time around, the boys and I had just left my parents house when we passed a pickup truck going the other direction. When we were about even with the truck I noticed a small dog was attempting to throw himself out of the truck bed. I looked in the side mirror after we passed by and yes, confirmed, there it was: a dachshund toppling comically over the edge of the truck, flailing and flipping on its back as it fell to the road. The dog was clearly a bit stunned and took a second to gather himself before stumbling to his feet and hobbling to the sidewalk. I’m not sure, but I think he glanced around to make sure no one had seen his remarkably ungraceful tumble. The truck didn’t stop and continued to the very end of the dead-end street before turning into a driveway. I stopped the car, backed up, and got out. It was time for me to shine.

In case you were wondering, this is what a dachshund looks like. To be clear, this is not an actual picture of my dachshund, but rather, a dachshund file photo. But, how adorable is it that he's drinking out of a coffee cup?!? (Getty Images)

Imagination Games

I got caught up in one of Jacob’s imagination games the other day. This happens at some point every day, but this one was particularly informative. The game this time was jail. I’m not sure where he learned about the concept of jail, but since 90% of his knowledge is derived from Disney Jr. shows, it’s a relatively safe bet it came from somewhere on there. That being said, my money is on Sheriff Callie.

How to Potty Train Your Three-and-Two-Thirds-Year-Old in 21 Easy Steps

Oh man, potty training! Am I right?!?

Just the thought of the dreaded P word (poop, pee, potty…take your pick) is enough to send parental stress levels soaring. At least that’s how parents of toddlers used to feel. Have no fear, though, those worries are a thing of the past. I’ve got you covered. Here’s an absolutely fool-proof method for potty training your three-and-two-thirds-year-old in a maximum of two days. 

Someone Is Watching

File Photo

Some days, when you’re a parent, you find yourself carrying a stick, chasing a crying 3-year-old down the street. There’s no getting around it; it’s just one of those things that happens.

Link-apalooza #8: Just Getting By

Can you really call it a palooza if there is only one link? Think that’s a gray area, but I’m going to go with yes. To be fair, it is quite a long link and one long article was about all I had time for: these photos sum up our week...

Leave Me Alone

Sure, why not?

Actually, I may or may not have even read the whole thing. Don’t get me wrong, I love The Atlantic, but do people really read articles longer than 800 words anymore? I didn’t do a word count on this one, but all of their articles feel like they are about 50,000 words.

Anyway, now that I’ve sufficiently stoked your interest, here it is…

Women’s World Cup: How U.S. Players Balance Motherhood and Soccer

I like this one for two reasons: it’s quite topical (Go USA!) and it provides a new perspective on the work-life balance theme I’ve been exploring lately. Over three years into this parenting deal I’m still completely confused how people have careers and kids. Like, really? How does that work? And, after this last week of solo parenting, I have absolutely no clue how single parents do it. I actually forgot I had a job. And that was in one week. So, how do professional soccer moms manage? Read this to get a glimpse.

Watching Airplanes

“Hurry, Daddy! Mommy’s plane is going to leave in five minutes!” my 3-year-old, Jacob, was just a bit excited about the unexpected variation in his typical morning routine. We had just dropped Mommy off at the terminal and were driving to the cell phone lot to watch her plane take off. Luckily, despite Jacob’s concerns, the airport gods were smiling on us and we made it just in the nick of time.

Not Mommy's airplane in the background; Jacob looking on

5 Boring Things Parents Love

As I was waking up in the hospital after my recent colonoscopy, one of the first things I heard was a man in the recovery bay next to mine telling his wife how incredible he felt. “I haven’t felt this great in ten years,” he said. “Can I just stay here forever?” I didn’t ask, but I’m almost certain he was a dad because I could totally relate. Sure, maybe it was mostly the lingering haze of anesthesia talking, but the sentiment was real: never had a routine medical procedure felt so freeing. Of course, leave it to his wife to bring a heavy dose of buzz kill to the situation. “No,” she laughed. “You have to mow the lawn today.”

Still, it did get me thinking, what kinds of boring and routine things do parents love, perhaps more than they should? I’m not saying parents love these things more than their own children, but sometimes it might be up for debate.

Link-apalooza #6

OK, I’m back. I’m not entirely sure, but it feels like I missed a week. Yeah, I could look at literally the webpage I just clicked off of to check the date of my last post to see exactly how long it’s been, but where’s the fun in that? Don’t worry though: I double-checked and no one has written anything worth reading or broadcasted anything worth listening to since we were last together.

Link-apalooza #5

Welcome back, peeps! It’s time to do this thing again. This is the fifth edition already: Can you believe it? Yes, I am still maintaining this charade.

Anyway, let’s keep it short and sweet this time around. I’ve got one article and two podcast links to share; I really enjoyed all of them. I know that no one really likes reading anymore, it’s so 20th century, so I’m trying to include as much audio as possible. Also, in case you missed it, here is a link to my article from last week that hopefully you read here, but was also picked up by Huffington. Green Day and parenting; it doesn’t get much better than that.

Let there be links! 

Time of Your Life

In case you haven’t been keeping up lately with the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductions, just wanted to let you know that the punk rockers from Oakland known as Green Day were inducted in April. I’ll go ahead and say what we’re all thinking: Yes, they are the greatest band of all time. I mean, for anyone between the ages of say 30 and 45 listening to the Dookie and American Idiot albums from front to back for the first time were life-changing experiences. That’s an incontrovertible fact. And that’s two life-changing experiences produced by a single band: Top that, The Beatles! 

Link-apalooza #3

Welcome back, folks! 

We are on time this week and chock full of great links. But first, a couple exciting updates on goings on in and around Explorations. 

Link-apalooza #2

Welcome to Link-apalooza #2! 

My apologies for being a bit late this week; however, in my defense, I did technically meet my somewhat nebulous publication schedule. If you missed out on Link-apalooza #1, check it out here and get up to speed on what this is all about.