Best of 2015: An Explorations of Ambiguity Year in Review

2015 was quite a year for the Explorations of Ambiguity team. And, of course, by Explorations of Ambiguity Team I mean me. At the end of the day, it really is all about me.

I tried to fix a lawnmower. I went to Target. I cut my own hair several times. I read some stuff. I watched some Disney Junior (okay, a little more than some). I waxed nostalgic occasionally (okay, maybe a little more than occasionally). I got depressed once or twice (okay, probably a bit more than once or twice). Both my kids had birthdays. I created the smash hit blog series: Link-apalooza. Somebody liked one of my tweets. I learned to love myself just a little bit more.

But, you might be wondering, what does a raging narcissist do at the end of the year? The answer: create a greatest hits list of his top blog posts and then sit at home by himself on New Year’s Eve, of course. 

So, without further ado, I present the Top 10 most read Explorations of Ambiguity posts of 2015. Hold on to your hats, folks, because here we go!

Nothing Gets Me Pumped Like a Good Haircut

Nothing quite compares to that moment when my haircut is just complete and my classic 2-3-4-5 clipper guard smooth fade has achieved that unparalleled state of perfection. There I am, standing in front of my bathroom mirror, electric clippers in hand, tiny pieces of hair sticking to my shoulders, tufts of curly hair littering the bathroom floor, and I’m like, “Andrew, you did it again. Nailed it.” 

A fresh haircut gets me so pumped. 

Lose the Cape: Never Will I Ever (A Book Review)

OK, I’m trying a little something new here because, of course, Explorations loves to innovate. I just read a new book of parenting essays called Lose the Cape: Never Will I Ever edited by Alexa Bigwarfe and Kerry Rivera. If you’re looking for a quick read about the adventure that is parenting, I think you should check this one out. (Disclaimer: I signed up to receive a complimentary advance copy of the e-book.)

House of Cards (Link-apalooza #12)

Source: Getty Images

Finally, here it is: Episode 12 of the smash hit Link-apalooza series. Yes, I know, it has been a long time coming, but I figure if Serial podcast can take a whole year off, a few months can’t really hurt, right? It is certainly not lost on me that we are returning from hiatus on the same day. I hope it’s not too much for our fans to handle all at once. 

Nightmares in Parenting

The funny thing about social phobia is that even when you think you’ve kind of escaped it, you really haven’t. If social phobia (or social anxiety or shyness or whatever you want to call it) was an NBA player, it would definitely be in the running for the Comeback Player of the Year award. 

I think what happens, really, is that once you enter middle adulthood, you start to forget about, little by little, how crushing that anxiety was when you were younger and constantly forced to perform. In school, in finding jobs, in trying (or not) to make friends and date. Once you hit your 30s, a lot of the forced performance is behind you. Through a combination of treatment and life choices, you can settle in and manage. I have become an All-Pro avoider. Situations that make me uncomfortable—parties, groups, talking on the phone, interviews—I’m kind of done with those. As much as I can avoid things like that, I do. And, you know what? It’s been working. 

In Defense of the Predictable

“Pretend that you think you left Jacob at Betsy’s house,” said recently turned four-year-old Jacob.

“OK,” I replied.

“Tell Mommy!” he whispered loudly. 

“Oh no, I think we left Jacob at Betsy’s!” I feel like I nailed it. Much like a Broadway actor in the final performance of a long running show, my delivery was so fresh you would never guess I had delivered this same line about 100 times in the last day and a half. 

“Ahhh!” Mommy responded gamely. “We have to drive back and get him right now!”

I took the car keys out of my pocket and tossed them across the room to her. It was off script, but I can be pretty bold with my improvisations. I feel like it really added something.

Jacob pulled the blanket off his head revealing his smiling-like-a-possum face.

“I’m here!”

“Oh thank goodness,” I replied with great relief. “We thought we forgot you.”

{Scene}

To My First Born on His Fourth Birthday

You’re four years old now, so I think it’s time I finally leveled with you. I don’t really remember that much from the first year or two of your existence. To be totally honest, I feel like at any given moment I have a decent handle on the last two or three weeks, but anything beyond that is a bit of a crap shoot. It seems like all the new stuff just crowds out the old stuff. I know you so well right now, but I can hardly remember what you sounded like when you were two. It’s best that you learn this now, because barring the advent of an age-reversing revolution that I’m still hoping is just around the corner, this will likely only get worse for me.

I know it’s your birthday and all and it’s supposed to be about you, but while I have your attention, let me complain for a moment. Do you have the time to listen to me whine? I’m going to assume that you do, so here we go. It really annoys me that I don’t have a better memory!

Bedtime Routines

Anybody out there have an interesting bedtime routine?

I think mine is pretty normal. Probably most of you can relate. I floss and brush my teeth, then take out my contacts while swirling my mouthwash (Listerine, mint flavored) for 30 seconds. Then I hop into bed with my phone and check my Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter to see if I have any mentions. When I find, inevitably, that I don’t have any mentions and everyone hates me, I open my email and delete all the spam emails that have built up in the intervening seven minutes since I last checked. That always cheers me up. 

Then I plug my phone into the charger that now stays by my bed. 

[Quick aside. Big news: we just received three more phone chargers that we ordered on Amazon from China. Slow delivery, but the price was right. I had so much fun deciding where to position the new chargers (the four we already had plus the new three). In case you are wondering: kitchen, beside bed in master bedroom, other side of bed in master bedroom, upstairs bedroom, each of two cars, and crazy wild card to move around as needed.] 

Anyway, after I lie down for a few minutes, I unplug my phone one last time to check for any social media mentions. Once again I find none, plug my phone back in, and go to sleep.

ManWhoHasItAll Has It All Figured Out

I kind of love Twitter. I would go so far to say there are about five things I really care about: my wife, my kids, my family, watching sports on TV, and Twitter. I heard it said once that Facebook is where you learn to dislike people you know in real life and Twitter is where you learn to love people you will never meet. That pretty much sums it up. Over time I’ve cultivated a Twitter news feed that creates a harmonious echo chamber that caters to my interests: sports, leftist politics, sarcasm, parenting, and celebrities. 

It’s gotten to the point that I don’t really know how I used to watch live sports on TV, award shows, or presidential debates without Twitter. There’s no going back now; the whole experience has changed.

Every now and then, though, a person or account on Twitter really jumps out at me. I found this new account, ManWhoHasItAll (@manwhohasitall), through some retweets by my like-minded Twitter peeps.

Here is a taste...

How to Make the Perfect Pirate Jack-O’-Lantern

As you all know, I’m huge into arts and crafts. They are, basically, my raison d’etre. So, I figure it’s about time that I give a little gift to the world and share some of my crafty knowledge. 

I don’t use Pinterest, because frankly, I don’t need to; I have all the arts and crafts ideas I will ever need stored between my ears. But, I know many of less crafty among us need that kind of help, so feel free to Pin this. Be prepared for it to go viral.

Nothing can quite compare to the pressure of jack-o’-lantern carving. Every year when the calendar flips to October, you can just sense the tension building. The air becomes cooler and drier, leaves rustle in the breeze, and people start freaking out about pumpkin carving. Just take a stroll around the grocery store and look into people’s faces. They try to act normal, but you can see it in their eyes. The nagging question that keeps them up every night: “What am I going to do with this freakin’ pumpkin?”

You feel like you’ve done it all: triangle eyes, square eyes, circle nose (tragically, never again), a mouth with a couple teeth, everything. You feel like you’ve exhausted all your options. But, have you made a pirate jack-o’-lantern? No, you haven’t, but you are about to.

What Did We Learn This Week? My 3-Year-Old Is Better at Parenting Than I Am

Just when I thought I had it all figured out and was really starting to hit my parenting groove, boom, my mom tells me a story about how my 3-year-old developed a new parenting strategy to employ if you ever find yourself in the unenviable position of being in a store with your kids.

My mom had to pick up some paperwork at the hospital the other day and Jacob went with her. They stopped off in the hospital gift shop, which is basically a cross between Toys R’ Us and paradise as far as 3-year-olds are concerned. But apparently, instead of demanding that my mom buy him something from the array of irresistible stuffed chipmunks, flower pens, and novelty candies, he picked up items, inspected them, made a mental list of things he might like to buy next time, and put them back. No tears, no begging, not even a polite request. 

My mom thought that making a list of things he might like to buy next time was a particularly brilliant parenting maneuver that we had developed. Unfortunately, I had to confess that no, we weren’t that good, he made that up on his own. 

Come on! I’ve been writing all this stuff down for like a year and I haven’t delivered even one fully-formed parenting strategy? And yet, my 3-year-old has already developed a really good one? Sure, you love it when your kids succeed and do better than you and blah blah blah, but….come on!

Anyway, I don’t really like giving advice because it feels a little pretentious. But, passing along parenting tactics devised by my 3-year-old feels pretty okay. So, test this one out. Let me know if the old “think of things you’d like to buy next time” strategy works for you. If it doesn’t, just blame Jacob, it was all his idea.

Self-Inflicted Parenting Wounds

Long, uninterrupted periods of time in which your only meaningful human contact is with miniature persons that sometimes seem like bipolar wind-up toys can do weird things to your brain. As a person who tends to operate on a relatively even emotional keel, rarely deviating too far from a comfortable indifference except, perhaps, when sports are on TV, the kind of intensity that small children throw at you every waking second of every day is, well, rather intense. 

Sure, the negative emotion is obviously challenging, but even the unbridled happiness and eagerness is draining. I mean, it’s like Paul Rudd’s character says to Seth Rogen’s character in Knocked Up (I think), I sometimes wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles.

TV and Growing Up

The boys and I were on one of our trademark car rides the other day when a vivid memory popped into Jacob’s 3-year-old brain and he had to get it out. 

An Imaginary Visit from Pa-Pa

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it on here before or not, but those days when Mommy is working (from 6:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m.) and the boys and I are home by ourselves all day can feel really long. Of course, I’m sure they feel really long for Mommy as well, but it’s perhaps a different kind of long. An apples to oranges comparison, one might say.

Arts and Crafts

If there is one thing stay-at-home dads (SAHDs)* are most known for above all else it is definitely Arts and Crafts.

Let us loose with some card stock, glitter, glue, and markers and we can create some real magic. I’m not sure what kind of magic all you guys like to make, but in my family, we like to channel this artsy craftiness toward a very specific purpose: the creation of celebratory door signs to greet visiting friends and family members. Well, mainly family members, but I won’t foreclose the possibility of friends one day.

Masculinity and Lawnmowers FTW: Another Important Update

Lawnmower (Getty Images)

To get up to speed on what this is all about, see the first two installments of what has turned into a summer-long blockbuster: Part 1 and Part 2.

The proposed lawnmower repair instructional YouTube video continues as follows:

Target: The Experience

The Promised Land (Getty Images)

So, I saw this video on my Facebook a few weeks ago called “Thoughts Every Woman Has in Target.” It was nothing short of a revelation. 

One of the greatest unresolved mysteries in my life had been my wife Michelle’s relationship with Target. What was it about that store? I just didn’t get it. Sure, it has lots of different stuff to buy and it’s kind of a more sophisticated version of Wal-Mart and there is sometimes a Starbucks in it, but why is it the second greatest love of her life (or more realistically, perhaps, the first greatest love…but let’s remain optimistic). 

Link-apalooza #11: On Spirit Animals

Horses (by Getty Images)

The other day I was listening to a podcast and, for some reason, I started thinking about Spirit Animals. I have no idea why, really. I mean, I’m pretty okay with animals; I generally like them and all. Yes, the more I think about it, I would definitely classify myself as pro-animal. And as far as spirits go, I’m pretty ambivalent. I have never taken a strong stance for or against. But, I can’t put my finger on why this particular podcast brought the Spirit Animal concept to mind. It’s not something I often think about. However, it just jumped right into my brain, like Bennett diving headlong into any full-size human he comes across who happens to be seated in an accessible position. I looked away for a second, and boom, there it was.

Masculinity and Lawnmowers FTW: An Important Update

If you missed the first segment in what has unfortunately become an ongoing series, get up to speed here before reading any further.

The proposed lawnmower repair instructional YouTube video continues as follows: 

19. After several weeks have passed and you’ve already returned your brother’s lawnmower after borrowing and using it to save yourself and your family from the ever-encroaching tangle of weeds and exotic grasses that once was your yard, but had morphed into a thriving, highly-threatening, and frankly, terrifying tropical ecosystem, go back to Lowe’s and buy a rotary, push lawnmower that you believe is appropriate for your level of mechanical prowess and is also sufficiently hipster and eco-friendly (pictured below). (Read here for more on my new-found commitment to a hipster lifestyle.)

My Baby

20. Following the directions in the operator’s manual, assemble the lawnmower handle and attach it to the mower part thing (like a boss). 

21. After a few failed push attempts, realize that you have attached the handle backwards. De-attach the handle from the mower part thing, turn it around, and re-attach it in the correct orientation (like a boss). 

22. Try, without success, to attach the final two little ring clip things that the operator’s manual says just snap in. Give up and decide that they are probably not that important anyway. 

23. Invigorated with a spirit of hopefulness and a burgeoning joie de vivre, start mowing your lawn.

24. During the 5-hour lawn mowing period, in which you push and cajole your new mower in every conceivable pattern over, around, and through your front lawn (jungle) until your legs are covered with unidentifiable little green sticker things and the sweat on your t-shirt and shorts has filed for its own Social Security number, slowly come to the demoralizing realization that rotary push mowers are likely most effective when your lawn has the consistency and character of a croquet lawn or Augusta National ‘second cut,’ rather than an Amazon rain forest. 

25. Dejectedly wheel your sad, yet still gleaming, mower back into the garage. Go inside and Google “machetes for lawn,” because that seems like the logical next step. 

26. To be continued…

Green Day and Mumford & Sons…as Heard By My 3-Year-Old

Jacob (the 3-year-old) reached a very important developmental milestone recently: He started paying at least a small bit of attention to the songs playing on our car stereo system. I was happy at first, because I am more than ready to share my impeccable musical taste with my offspring. However, I was also a bit sad (isn’t that always how it is?) because it marked the end of the obliviousness era. Alas, my favorite 2 Live Crew CD and Tupac’s incomparable “Hit ‘Em Up” single must now be consigned to my handy Discman that I use when I’m working out. The kids are officially paying attention and impressionable.

Link-apalooza #10: The Dog Rescuer

I don’t know how this keeps happening, but these posts seem to keep getting farther apart. I’m just soooo busy, I tell you! This week I got sidetracked by rescuing a dog. No big deal. It’s kind of what I’m known for, as some of my most loyal readers (Mom) might remember.

This time around, the boys and I had just left my parents house when we passed a pickup truck going the other direction. When we were about even with the truck I noticed a small dog was attempting to throw himself out of the truck bed. I looked in the side mirror after we passed by and yes, confirmed, there it was: a dachshund toppling comically over the edge of the truck, flailing and flipping on its back as it fell to the road. The dog was clearly a bit stunned and took a second to gather himself before stumbling to his feet and hobbling to the sidewalk. I’m not sure, but I think he glanced around to make sure no one had seen his remarkably ungraceful tumble. The truck didn’t stop and continued to the very end of the dead-end street before turning into a driveway. I stopped the car, backed up, and got out. It was time for me to shine.

In case you were wondering, this is what a dachshund looks like. To be clear, this is not an actual picture of my dachshund, but rather, a dachshund file photo. But, how adorable is it that he's drinking out of a coffee cup?!? (Getty Images)

Imagination Games

I got caught up in one of Jacob’s imagination games the other day. This happens at some point every day, but this one was particularly informative. The game this time was jail. I’m not sure where he learned about the concept of jail, but since 90% of his knowledge is derived from Disney Jr. shows, it’s a relatively safe bet it came from somewhere on there. That being said, my money is on Sheriff Callie.

How to Potty Train Your Three-and-Two-Thirds-Year-Old in 21 Easy Steps

Oh man, potty training! Am I right?!?

Just the thought of the dreaded P word (poop, pee, potty…take your pick) is enough to send parental stress levels soaring. At least that’s how parents of toddlers used to feel. Have no fear, though, those worries are a thing of the past. I’ve got you covered. Here’s an absolutely fool-proof method for potty training your three-and-two-thirds-year-old in a maximum of two days. 

Masculinity and Lawnmowers FTW

Lawnmower (Getty Images)

Sorry folks, no links this week. Try to contain your disappointment and somehow soldier on. I’ve been really busy, so I’ve literally read basically nothing. Except this one book I’ve been trying out. Sigh, books are so difficult and long.

Link-apalooza #9: Aww, Darn It!

We were riding home in the car the other night and out of the blue Jacob (the 3-year-old) said from the back seat, “Aww, darn it!” It caught Michelle and me completely by surprise, so, of course, we both laughed a little. Huge mistake. Sufficiently emboldened, he went on to repeat his new phrase 57 times in a row. We completely ignored him and didn’t react in any way to the subsequent 56 repeats, but he still kept it up. 57 times. With the same little laugh after each iteration. 

Someone Is Watching

File Photo

Some days, when you’re a parent, you find yourself carrying a stick, chasing a crying 3-year-old down the street. There’s no getting around it; it’s just one of those things that happens.

Link-apalooza #8: Just Getting By

Can you really call it a palooza if there is only one link? Think that’s a gray area, but I’m going to go with yes. To be fair, it is quite a long link and one long article was about all I had time for: these photos sum up our week...

Leave Me Alone

Sure, why not?

Actually, I may or may not have even read the whole thing. Don’t get me wrong, I love The Atlantic, but do people really read articles longer than 800 words anymore? I didn’t do a word count on this one, but all of their articles feel like they are about 50,000 words.

Anyway, now that I’ve sufficiently stoked your interest, here it is…

Women’s World Cup: How U.S. Players Balance Motherhood and Soccer

I like this one for two reasons: it’s quite topical (Go USA!) and it provides a new perspective on the work-life balance theme I’ve been exploring lately. Over three years into this parenting deal I’m still completely confused how people have careers and kids. Like, really? How does that work? And, after this last week of solo parenting, I have absolutely no clue how single parents do it. I actually forgot I had a job. And that was in one week. So, how do professional soccer moms manage? Read this to get a glimpse.

Watching Airplanes

“Hurry, Daddy! Mommy’s plane is going to leave in five minutes!” my 3-year-old, Jacob, was just a bit excited about the unexpected variation in his typical morning routine. We had just dropped Mommy off at the terminal and were driving to the cell phone lot to watch her plane take off. Luckily, despite Jacob’s concerns, the airport gods were smiling on us and we made it just in the nick of time.

Not Mommy's airplane in the background; Jacob looking on

Link-apalooza #7: Of Presidents, Bloggers, and Dads

It’s time for Lucky Number 7, people!

First, a couple quick notes about goings on in and around Explorations. The whole crew took yet another road trip to North Carolina this past weekend: Drove up Thursday, hung out Friday, attended three family events on Saturday, and drove back Sunday. I feel like it went pretty well. Probably will never do it again, but all in all, can’t complain. 

5 Boring Things Parents Love

As I was waking up in the hospital after my recent colonoscopy, one of the first things I heard was a man in the recovery bay next to mine telling his wife how incredible he felt. “I haven’t felt this great in ten years,” he said. “Can I just stay here forever?” I didn’t ask, but I’m almost certain he was a dad because I could totally relate. Sure, maybe it was mostly the lingering haze of anesthesia talking, but the sentiment was real: never had a routine medical procedure felt so freeing. Of course, leave it to his wife to bring a heavy dose of buzz kill to the situation. “No,” she laughed. “You have to mow the lawn today.”

Still, it did get me thinking, what kinds of boring and routine things do parents love, perhaps more than they should? I’m not saying parents love these things more than their own children, but sometimes it might be up for debate.

Link-apalooza #6

OK, I’m back. I’m not entirely sure, but it feels like I missed a week. Yeah, I could look at literally the webpage I just clicked off of to check the date of my last post to see exactly how long it’s been, but where’s the fun in that? Don’t worry though: I double-checked and no one has written anything worth reading or broadcasted anything worth listening to since we were last together.

Link-apalooza #5

Welcome back, peeps! It’s time to do this thing again. This is the fifth edition already: Can you believe it? Yes, I am still maintaining this charade.

Anyway, let’s keep it short and sweet this time around. I’ve got one article and two podcast links to share; I really enjoyed all of them. I know that no one really likes reading anymore, it’s so 20th century, so I’m trying to include as much audio as possible. Also, in case you missed it, here is a link to my article from last week that hopefully you read here, but was also picked up by Huffington. Green Day and parenting; it doesn’t get much better than that.

Let there be links! 

Time of Your Life

In case you haven’t been keeping up lately with the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductions, just wanted to let you know that the punk rockers from Oakland known as Green Day were inducted in April. I’ll go ahead and say what we’re all thinking: Yes, they are the greatest band of all time. I mean, for anyone between the ages of say 30 and 45 listening to the Dookie and American Idiot albums from front to back for the first time were life-changing experiences. That’s an incontrovertible fact. And that’s two life-changing experiences produced by a single band: Top that, The Beatles! 

Link-apalooza #4

What did we learn last week? To a 3-year old, adult birthdays are a huge disappointment. Jacob was quite depressed that there were no balloons or big presents or bounce houses or even piñatas. I can’t blame him, really. He pretty much caught a glimpse of his future and it made him say, “No thanks. I’ll keep my balloons.” In an attempt to cheer him up, we took him for putt-putt to celebrate because that’s what adults really do on their birthdays. Well, at least that’s what Explorations does (not the blog, the puppet master behind the curtain). 

Link-apalooza #3

Welcome back, folks! 

We are on time this week and chock full of great links. But first, a couple exciting updates on goings on in and around Explorations. 

Link-apalooza #2

Welcome to Link-apalooza #2! 

My apologies for being a bit late this week; however, in my defense, I did technically meet my somewhat nebulous publication schedule. If you missed out on Link-apalooza #1, check it out here and get up to speed on what this is all about. 

Parenting Lessons From My All-Star Mom

My favorite part about Mother’s Day in the social media era is learning that everyone’s mom is “The Best Mom in the World!” That moniker has become the equivalent of the ubiquitous participation award in youth sports. Everyone gets a trophy, hooray!

Sorry folks, I’m here to deliver a little slice of harsh reality this Mother’s Day: All your moms are scrambling for the runner-up trophy, because my mom has a strangle hold on the top prize.

Link-apalooza #1

Exciting times here at Explorations! We just launched a Facebook page; please feel free to like it for updates on new posts and random musings. And today we are rolling out a new feature: Link-apalooza!

And We'll Never Be Royals...Or Will We?

First off, congratulations to Will and Kate on the birth of their second child: a girl with a yet to be revealed name (I’m rooting for Katniss or Pixie). 

Money Store Man

Sometimes it seems like yesterday that I was a young(ish) lad, energized by idealism, prowling the cobble-stoned streets of Cambridge in my vegan loafers. Of course, it wasn’t yesterday; it was almost four years ago. And to be totally honest, most of the time it feels like if it was 100 years ago or that perhaps it never even happened at all. 

Update and A Few Links

Hello everyone, it's been awhile. I haven't posted much lately, and frankly, I don't really have much in the pipeline right now. I've been busy writing and submitting some pieces to outside outlets, so, fingers crossed I'll have some news to share soon. Worst-case scenario, I'll have a couple new pieces to post here that no one else wants. Try to contain your excitement.

However, to try to fill the gap a little, and because I don't really know what you all do to fill your time when I'm not around, here are a couple articles written by others that I think are worth reading.

1.  “What a horrible mother:” How a call from a “good samaritan” derailed these mothers’ lives

I always find it interesting to read perspectives I hadn't really thought about before. This is definitely one of those.

2.  I Want to Have a Baby -- Cue the Friend Fallout

Good writer; like her stuff. Another interesting perspective and another one I hadn't thought much about. I guess not having friends has its advantages.

3.  Why it's not easy to be a dad in a mom's world

Can you say right in my lane? Kind of wish I'd written it, well, I kind of already did, but still. Good piece. I do think we have to be careful, as men, about playing the woe is me card; I mean, how many advantages do males really need? However, I think this writer does a nice job of walking the tightrope.

Have a good week!

P.S. This week's nugget of wisdom courtesy of Jacob: "You can ride horses, cows, and zebras...but not tigers or lions." Keep that in mind, people.

Hopeless Wanderers

But hold me fast,

Hold me fast,
'Cause I'm a hopeless wanderer

The last several weekends, usually early on Sunday mornings after another harrowing night starring a restless just-turned-1-year-old, I roll out of bed, load the big guy into his car seat, and set out for a driving tour of central Florida to give Mommy an hour or two of rest. I once looked upon this as a bit of a chore, preferable to trying to keep the baby quiet in the house, but still nothing to look forward to. This past Sunday though, it felt different.

#BigBen Strikes One

Forgot the hashtag, but you get the idea

Few things in life are quite as ridiculous as birthday parties for 1-year-olds. Think about it. Besides weddings, where else is a central protagonist of a celebratory event more irrelevant or overlooked? Nowhere. Grooms and 1-year-olds, that’s the list.

For Any Podcast Fans Out There...

Podcasts are kind of my new thing. Actually, my not so new thing. My passion for them is starting to recede already (after discovering them maybe 6 months ago). Anyway, maybe I'll talk about that more later, but wanted to share one I listened to today in case anyone is interested. It's the most recent episode from The Longest Shortest Time by WNYC. The topic, of course, is gender roles, parenting, and traditional role reversals: My all-time favorite topic. Check it out; it is very well done and thoughtful.

Hitting the Snooze Button on #BigBen

In honor of B’s birthday week, welcome to another installment of our new favorite series: Things B Does That Annoy Us. Just kidding! It’s definitely nothing personal; any parents out there who have had a difficult sleeper will understand the struggle. For those of you who don’t have or have never had a B, go back to watching The Bachelor on TV while eating bon-bons or whatever it is you do at night.

You wish

Despite the challenges, I should add (for my Mom’s sake), that B is very cute and snuggly and has such a great personality for a soon-to-be 1-year-old. Just not necessarily at night.

My true aims here are threefold:

1.     Provide a step-by-step guide for the overnight babysitters that I expect will begin to queue up as soon as this goes live.
2.     Create a written record of this experience for future reference (i.e., something I can email myself monthly in case I ever get any ideas about future procreation).
3.     Provide an alternative to the crazy idea of “sleep training” that seems to be gaining momentum. My way is clearly better.

And off we go…

March Madness

Some days this whole parenting thing really sneaks up on you. It’s like routine, routine, routine, then suddenly, boom: Butterfly visit!

#BigBenRising

With our little guy’s first birthday fast approaching, I figured it was about time to shout him out on the old blog. Being the younger sibling can be hard; it’s definitely difficult to claim your fair share of the spotlight when your older brother often writes, directs, and stars in the screenplay that is our life. 

"I mean seriously, in the post supposedly about me, you couldn't find a picture without the other kid in it to use?" - #BigBen

It's Comedy and Tragedy

Every good story is built around a perfect mix of comedy and tragedy. Similarly, every day of parenting has an often not so perfect mix of the same two ingredients. The days the scale tips in favor of comedy are the great ones. And when it goes the other way, well, let’s just say that’s when you’ll find me pounding the pavement at 10 p.m. Or pounding something at least.

6 Pointless Things I Say to My 3-Year-Old

Trying to reason with a 3-year-old is roughly the equivalent of simultaneously having a root canal while repeatedly banging one’s head against the wall.

Me: “It’s time to get dressed.”

3yo: “Nooo! I don’t want to get dressed. Right now!”

Me: “But you have to get dressed so you can play outside.”

3yo: “I don’t want to play outside!”

Me: “Okay, that’s fine then.”

3yo: “I want to play outside, now!”

Me: “Okay, let’s get dressed.”

3yo: “I can’t!”

And repeat, ad infinitum. For 12 hours. Please give me the number for the nearest head banging root canal procedure location, right now!

Dispelling the Mystery: A Running Diary

Because there seems to be a fair amount of confusion about what two small children and a father could possibly do all day without a mother around, I wanted to take this opportunity to offer a peak behind the curtain at our typical day. Full disclosure: In true reality TV fashion, some of the events portrayed here may have been compiled from several days to produce a smoother and more enthralling narrative, a very small portion may have been exaggerated, and an even smaller portion may have been totally made up. But, I promise, at least 87% of what follows is true and accurate.

A Tribute to a Person I Didn't Know

This is a very sad piece of news I came across yesterday. A very well-known (in parent blogging circles) and trailblazing Dad blogger, Oren Miller, recently passed away at a very young age. You can read about his life and accomplishments here. I was not familiar with his writing before I read of his passing, but as I've written before, I'm woefully ignorant about many things in the wider parenting world. His writing is really excellent though and I encourage you all to take a look at his blog linked in the article above. Life can be, just, well, plain absurd sometimes.....

Exploring Ambiguity on the Airwaves

This humble blogger made his radio debut today, discussing my recent post about 'letting go' and other parenting matters, on The Matt Townsend Show on the BYU radio network.  Here is the link to the show archive and the podcast version can also be found on iTunes. I haven't listened to it myself, but I've been told it wasn't a complete train wreck. So, we'll call that a win.

Shock and Awww!

ORLANDO – More often than not, real life stories don’t come neatly packaged with storybook endings. A moment’s hesitation can undo hours of preparation. In the blink of an eye, all can be lost. This afternoon at CFE Arena on the campus of the University of Central Florida, #BigBen went toe-to-toe with reality, and reality won out, in stunning fashion.

#BigBen was all smiles, until he wasn't (Photo credit: Brandon Helwig, UCFSports.com)

Parenting 101: Learning to Let Go

I made a monumental rookie mistake the other night. I attempted to fold laundry with the kids around. More than three years into the parenting game, I should have known better. That’s pretty much the equivalent of Russell Wilson throwing an interception on the goal line in the waning seconds of the Super Bowl. You just can’t have mental lapses like that.

The All-Time Most Unorginal Thought About Parenting

It finally happened last week. I finally had that moment of clarity and inspiration that wannabe writers dream about. That game-changing idea that no one has ever had before. I was so excited; this was it!

For parents, time feels like it passes incredibly slowly and quickly…at the same time.

I know, right? I can feel the reverberations from your collective minds being blown.

4 Reasons Stay-at-Home Dads are At a Disadvantage

Have you noticed how much more enlightened classic kids’ songs like Wheels on the Bus have become?  Here’s an excerpt from a version I heard recently.

“The mommies on the bus say, ‘I love you, I love you, I love you.’ The daddies on the bus say, ‘I love you too.’ All through the town.” 

Letter to My Future Self

Dear 20-Years-From-Now Me,

I hope this letter finds you well. My apologies for the boring opening; I don’t write a lot of letters, particularly letters to myself.