- Aside from any type of major personal life and death catastrophe…it’s hard to imagine a more painful confluence of events than those that befell me on Saturday.
First, I invested 5 hours in my day (including a one and a half hour lightning delay) watching UCF football…just to have my heart ripped out and stomped on once again in the last 30 seconds. Not that this is surprising…there is little doubt that UCF leads every sport program (any and all sports included) in “tear your heart out and stomp on it” losses. The type of losses that compel you to attack the nearest recliner chair with your bare hands. I’ve been privileged enough to experience a countless number of these in person and on television in the past 10 plus years. Today was certainly no different and followed the blueprint to a tee. Take an early lead…check. Dominate all statistical categories…check. Blow numerous scoring opportunities throughout the game often in bizarre ways (I mean, one of our players was literally running down the sideline headed for a sure touchdown and went down like he was shot in the leg…inexplicable, except for witchcraft or some sort of curse)…check. Hold a late lead…check. Lose late in breathtakingly painful fashion…check. Yeah…I’m not over it yet. Why do I like sports again? It really can’t be explained aside from a ridiculously vibrant masochistic streak.
Second, while I was driving down to Melbourne for some anonymous guy’s birthday celebration…I literally could not find a single decent song on the radio the entire 40 minute trip. I kept switching stations and all I got was Nickelback, California Gurls, OMG, California Gurls, Nickelback, Maroon 5, 3 Doors Down, California Gurls, new crap Daughtry song, Nickelhack, California Gurls. It was hell.
Third, while the birthday event was pretty cool and I was able to get pretty much wasted off of a very tasty alcoholic cupcake…I embarrassed myself once again with horrendous losses at pretty much every board game known to man. I really used to be good at life…I think.
Fourth, on the drive home I was stuck listening to Saturday night party-dance club-mash-up night, which is now a staple of pretty much every station on the FM dial. I avoid driving on Saturday nights like the plague…that’s how much I hate this format. I really can’t imagine anyone not under the influence of some mind altering substance enjoying this (I should have had a couple more cupcakes). The thumping beats…the random song mixes…finally getting into a song you like and having it cut off after one verse…horrendous. I think adult contemporary stations even have their own versions with Michael Bolton, Celine Dion remix mash-ups…or something. My personal favorite though is the urban stations that blow an airhorn to indicate a song change. I was really laying into a hot Drake joint tonight and the airhorn startled me so badly I almost swerved off of 95. I would’ve sued for sure. I think I should anyway for mental pain and suffering.
- Sunday turned out to be much less emotionally painful. Played some tennis (for probably the last time in the States for a while) in the morning…almost threw up, which is always a good sign. Then headed over to the west coast for our second straight birthday celebration. Had dinner at a very nice restaurant that also happened to be conveniently located next to a tattoo and piercing shop that was delightfully named “Pleasure Points” (no further comment necessary). Luckily, we got there a bit early and I had time to swing by and get a nose piercing and a killer tattoo running vertically down the side of my torso with some Japanese characters that say…something.
- On the drive over, saw a message board sign outside a church that said something like, “There’s room for you on the cross.” Who knew? And, I wonder why??
- On the drive home, we took the opportunity to improve our awesomeness by attempting to identify the artist for each song that came on the radio. See…that’s an important lesson to all my readers out there…even as awesome as I am…I don’t rest on my laurels. While many would see a two hour car ride as a chore…I embraced it as an opportunity. An opportunity to boost my hipness quotient even more.
- By the way…Nelly is back…’nuff said!
- Anyone else heard the new Linkin Park song? It’s pretty wicked…but beware, it might compel you to grab the nearest crow bar and start pummeling some sort of large metal object.
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